The Tough Get Going

Okay; this is probably the 5th time that I’ve started this entry as I’ve been erasing drafts of it.  There’s something I want to say, but I’m struggling with how to say it. I believe the Lord will help me write what He put on heart.

To be honest with you, this season of my life has truly challenged me in a way that I’m just not used to *whew* here we go.

My heart was broken.  You have to know something about me; I had crushes and guy friends growing up, but I never seriously dated when I was in high school or college.  My parents raised me to focus on putting school first and to let God make time for relationships.  Growing up, that was a hard pill to swallow! All of my friends were “going out”, had boyfriends, and then there was me.  Single me.  Looking back, I’m grateful for that hard pill my parents gave me because I’m sure it saved me from having to go through the pain of  breaking things off with a boyfriend.

No one likes rejection.  It hurts.  It makes you second guess everything about yourself.  It can make you pick yourself apart and question why you are not pretty/good/special enough for someone else to see.  If you allow it to fester in your mind, it can convince you to take blame for things that really aren’t your fault in the first place.  Now, in my case, I can say that I had a hand in breaking my own heart; I let the desire to be in a relationship cloud my better judgment and I didn’t listen to the Lord who was tugging on my heart the whole time I was with this guy.

I actually dismissed the Lord’s prompts and I spiraled further and further away from Him because I decided that I knew better than He did.  I justified red flags.  I made excuses for unacceptable behavior. Little by little, I found myself reasoning away my standard.  Can you see how dangerous and crazy that is?! The truth is, the Lord knew that this particular relationship was not for me, but I didn’t listen to Him because everything about this guy looked so good and so right to me.

Over time, I found myself constantly trying to convince this guy that I was good/great/special enough. I thought if I went out of my way for him he would one day see that I was a great person. In the process, my self-esteem suffered.  I don’t know how or why I grew so comfortable with being rejected, dishonored, and manipulated. Eventually, I got tired.  My mind was exhausted, my emotions were all over the place, and I realized he was at complete peace stringing me along.

With the Lord’s help, I walked away.  No explanation.  I dropped my end of the rope. I saw first-hand that whatever you stop feeding will in fact die.  This “relationship” needed to die.  It wasn’t God-ordained.  I quit fighting to be with a guy who had no regard for me or my relationship with the Lord.  Initially, this was very hard because I felt like I failed.  I’ve never intentionally failed at anything in my life because I’ve never been a quitter.  But this time, I found myself quitting.  I needed to quit.  Continuing in this would only cause futher damage.

I did whatever I had to do to get through the process of separating myself from him.  I didn’t lash out, blow up his phone, send him a million texts, or even expect an apology from him for what he did.   I didn’t bad mouth him on social media like he did to me.  I chose to hold my peace for two reasons: number one, I felt that doing so would honor the Lord and secondly, I didn’t want to sow seeds of disrespect because I didn’t want to reap the harvest of them.

I needed healing.  The Lord led me to sermons and podcasts with good teaching to rebuild my walls.  I had to re-learn what it meant to keep a standard regardless of what is going on around me.  I took Proverbs 3:5-6 to heart:

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NLT)

Looking back, I knew that I was believing God for great things, but I didn’t see how they were going to fall into place.  Maybe my expectations were too unrealistic and somehow I thought running ahead of God’s timing would make things better.  I was trying to figure out and lead my own life.

You see, my limited understanding was ruling my thought process and driving my decisions.  I didn’t consult the Lord about this guy, or the relationship.  I didn’t ask Him what He thought because deep down I probably knew what the answer would be.  And to be honest with you, I didn’t want to start all the way over from scratch with someone else.  I wanted it to work, I wanted things to get better, but in the end they continued to get worse.

In all, the pain had a purpose.  In fact, there is a purpose to every season of your life.  There is a purpose for being single.  Contrary to popular belief, being single is not an indicator that there is something wrong with you or that you aren’t loveable or likeable for that matter. I have settled on the fact that God has a good plan for my life (Jer. 29:11).    I settled in myself that there is no good thing that He will withhold from me (Ps. 84:11) because I choose to do what is right. He wants me to have his absolute best in all areas of my life and it starts with understanding my identity and my worth to Him FIRST.  He’s shown me that I have value and that I don’t have to take down for anyone that can’t see that.

The Lord is good; He’s so good that He will do anything it takes to protect you from people, places, or things that will harm you.  The temporary disappointment of heartbreak pales in comparison to the joy of obedience.  I don’t know about you, but I want the Lord to be pleased with me and my decisions.  I’m not perfect but my intention is to do things that bring honor to God.  If you really want to know whether the things you do or say honor God, ask yourself:

“would it be okay if I did or said this if the Lord himself was physically standing in front of me?”

 Is that real enough?  Regardless, the Lord sees everything you say, do, and even think anyway.  He knows you.  He loves you.  Sis/Bro, consider His presence and look for ways to love Him back by knowing that He’s always where you are.  Practice being mindful of Him.

If you can take away anything from this blog, understand that you are precious to the Lord.  Know that you do not have to fear or worry about time.  The Creator of time has you right on schedule.  His timing is always perfect.  You can’t mess up so bad beyond the Lord’s ability to reroute you.  You aren’t that powerful; *smile*

Trust His timing and keep growing in Him,

~KP

 

 

 

On the Matter of a Mate

Excellent excerpt from the book, Ministering to Your Family (Chapter 1, © 1986), by Kenneth E. Hagin and Kenneth Hagin Jr. Reprinted by permission of Kenneth Hagin Ministries, Inc.


On the Matter of a Mate

In what areas can you exercise faith? What can you believe for?

First, you can believe for everything the Word of God promises you or provides for you. But you can’t believe beyond the Word. Why not? Because “…faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” (Romans 10:17). Faith is based on what God’s Word says, and you cannot believe beyond your knowledge of God’s Word. If people try to do this, they will get in trouble.

For example, years ago I met a denominational pastor who received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit, spoke in tongues and was kicked out of his denomination.

With no church to pastor, he had gone into business for himself in a large city, and he started attending the largest Full Gospel church in that city. This man was unmarried and was probably between 35 and 40.

He told me that a beautiful woman sang in the church choir, and because “you can have what you say” and “whatever you desire, just pray and believe you receive,” he was going to pray and believe he was going to get her for a wife.

However, I can’t find where the Bible says, “I promise John that he can have Mary for a wife.” Mary may not want to be his wife—and John may be just as well off without her anyway!

So I asked the man, “Have you ever talked to this woman? Have you ever had a date with her?”

“No,” he replied.

Sitting out there in the congregation while the choir sang on Sunday mornings, this man had seen the woman, was attracted to her, and thought because “you can have what you say,” he could just say they would be married and it would come to pass.

But under what conditions will it come to pass?

“Well, if I believe it strongly enough,” some will argue.

No, faith must be based on God’s Word. As we have seen, faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word. And the Word of God says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).

“Whoso findeth a wife” implies that you have a part to play, all right, but you must be open to the Lord’s direction, and you must realize that you cannot go against another person’s free will.

The Lord will lead and guide you. You have a right to claim His guidance because He has promised to guide you. But just to pick somebody out and say, “I’m going to believe God and she’s going to be my wife,” won’t work.

Another’s Will Is Involved

The woman you want to marry may not want to be your wife. That would work the other way around for women: The man you want to marry may not want be your husband.

Friends, you’re not going to be able to override another person’s will in the matter, so you may as well settle that once and for all.

God Himself does not exercise authority over human spirits. If He did, He’d make everybody in the world get saved today, and then we could enter into the Millennium.

We only have authority over evil spirits; not over human spirits. God has granted mankind free will to choose for themselves.

In the first meeting I held after leaving my last pastorate, an unmarried woman in her thirties asked me, “Brother Hagin, do I have the right to believe for a husband?”

“I believe you do,” I replied, “because the Bible says, ‘Whoso findeth a WIFE findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord’—and it would be a poor rule that wouldn’t work both ways.”

Will faith work here?

I told the young woman, “You can’t just pick out somebody and say, ‘That one’s mine.’ But you can ask God to lead you. You can claim a mate by faith and let God work out the details because you believe Him.”

Standing in Faith

For many months, it didn’t look like things were going to work for this young woman: No young man came into her life. Every time I saw her, I encouraged her to stand in faith. She would say, “I’m standing in faith. It’s going to work. I know it is!” She had certain ideals in mind. She said, “I’m not a minister myself, but I have been in the work of the Lord for many years, and I want to marry a minister.”

In the process of time, I saw her, and she had married a fine man—a minister. Her faith had worked.

I also remember two beautiful young women who attended a revival meeting I once conducted in Oklahoma. They had just graduated from high school with the highest grades in their class. Both were saved and baptized in the Holy Spirit in my meeting. Some months later, when I returned to that church for another meeting, the Lord led me to minister a word of wisdom to one of the girls.

Afterwards, the pastor said, “Brother Hagin, I’m so glad you did that. You didn’t know this, I’m sure, but that young woman is engaged to be married, and we’re concerned about it. The young man has attended church here, but I’ll just be honest with you—I’m sure he pretended he got saved so he could marry her.”

Something Better

I hadn’t known these details the night the Lord had me minister to the young woman. She was sitting on the front row that night. I asked the congregation to sing because I didn’t want everyone to hear what I told her. I said to her, “The Lord told me to tell you this: ‘I’ve got something better for you. Don’t marry right now. I’ve got something better for you.’”

Two years later I was out in California in a campmeeting when a fine-looking young couple came up to me. The woman said, “Brother Hagin, do you remember me?”

“No,” I said, “but your face looks familiar.”

She told me her name, but I still couldn’t remember who she was.

“Well,” she said, “you’ll remember this: You called me up while the congregation was singing and you told me the Lord said not to marry then because He had something better for me.”

“Oh,” I said. “I remember that.”

“Well,” she said happily, “here he is!”

Then, she told me she and her husband were in Bible college preparing for the ministry. “Oh, I’m so glad the Lord arrested me and ministered to me,” she said. “I would have made a fatal mistake. We’re so happy. And we’re working for God.”

God did have something better for her. God can lead and guide us. We need to be open to the leading of God.

You see, we can believe God and exercise faith for anything that is promised in the Bible. But we must base our faith upon what God’s Word says. If we get into areas beyond the Word, we will get into gray areas—into dark areas. As long as we’re in the Word, we’re in the light. Then we’re on safe ground—sure ground.

Some may say, “I don’t know just what direction to take in life, so what shall I believe for?”

Well, trust God for guidance, because He has promised to guide you. Claim His guidance by faith. Say, “The Lord is guiding me. He is leading me. I may not see it this moment. I may not even know what to do at the moment; but, He is my Guide and I trust Him.”

For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God” (Romans 8:14). God will guide you. But remember that He leads you just one step at a time.

Reprinted from the book, Ministering to Your Family (Chapter 1, © 1986), by Kenneth E. Hagin and Kenneth Hagin Jr. Reprinted by permission of Kenneth Hagin Ministries, Inc.